Monday, December 23, 2002

2002-09-23 - 9:08 p.m.

I remember losing my virginity, but I don't remember who he was. It's pathetic to admit, it's embarassing. I don't remember his name, or even what he looked like. He meant that much to me.

I was nineteen. I had held out for that long! I was living in a little travel trailer in New Westminster, BC. It was a sweet rental deal, totally cheap, with electricity and gas and the use of laundry facilities in the house it was parked behind. One day when my trailer-mate was out, the neighbour came over. I think we had been chumming around a bit, I really don't remember. He had alcohol in some form, and before I knew it, we were doin' it. Sigh. I seem to recall that he had bad acne.

It certainly wasn't the way I'd dreamed it would always happen. Not even in my worst nightmares. But sometimes life happens that way; reality is warped and distorted by our own weaknesses, until we can't even remember what we were hoping for. So then we laugh and pretend "we meant to do that".

I didn't mean to do that.

1 comment:

Spoke said...

I don't remember why I did it the first time. It wasn't like I was going to tell anyone. I was 15 I think. I remember looking out the window to the stars immediately after the act. I wondered what all the fuss was about. Why did everyone talk about doing this? I think that night warped my thoughts towards sex. I never have fully figured it out.