I remember not wanting to walk into class...
Junior High. An awkward age for many, but especially awkward for me, as I was one year younger than everyone in my class. I thought it was very cruel for puberty to leave me alone for so long; while all the girls in my class were developing breasts, I was still a little girl.
I would get off the bus, go to my locker and put my coat in, grab my books, then walk to the door of my classroom and hesitate. I'd steel myself, then walk in. Every day my classmate, Terry, would sneer at me from under his long bangs and say loudly, "Jesus F***in' Christ, Rempel, are you ever ugly."
Every day.
There is no response to this. You can't argue it, you can't agree, you can't ignore it. It's a losing situation no matter how you look at it. Somehow his statement always made everyone else laugh. You'd think they would have got tired of the same announcement day after day.
I was 11. I thought I was ugly.
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I fried my brain in the 80's with drugs and alcohol, and am now attempting to bring memories to the surface and record them for posterity.
About Me
- Paula
- Three Hills, Alberta, Canada
- I am an artist. I am an actor. I am a musician. I am a dancer. I am a lover. I am a writer. I am not very good at any of these things yet, but I continue to do them. Why let mediocrity stop me? The things I'm good at, like rage and laziness, I'd rather stop practicing anyway.
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10 comments:
Oh Wow... what a horrible kid! I'm so sorry you had to go through that! *hug* You aren't ugly, just so you know, and I hope it didn't take you a long time to realize that after being told so every day. Take care.
Shari
That's horrible!! I used to be called stupid, but ugly....no, that's just nasty!
Horrible!
You are beautiful to me!
And then you saw him again years later. And he, you.
I think you're possibly one of the most beautiful women I have met to date.
When I was little, I was called litte orphan annie because my mom always had my hair done in a tight perm. I grew up with a red afro.
It's amazing how we are forced into that situation every day for how many years of our lives. How parents who love their children will keep putting them into a situation like that, you'd think someone would notice at some point and do something, and yet, there you are a child constantly called ugly, where was a teacher to say to the kid "if you do that again you're kicked out of class"? I don't understand it, I truly don't and how many of us suffered lasting pain from it? I am sorry, I truly am.
man, i hated middle school.
School is hard, some days are sheer hell.
I know the rest of this story, and I have to say you are one of the strongest people I know - good on ya.
(Looking forward to seeing you again!)
The people who were made fun of in grade school are usually the ones who transform into the gorgeous, popular adults of their generation. So there! c",)
Paula, I love your blog and the comments you write on P.Pig's site- I feel like I know you and Spoke!
You know, when I was in High School, I had a horrible time with teachers and boys not giving respect to the girls. There was one history class where everytime a girl, any girl in the class, answered a question incorrectly, a large number of the guys in the class would jump up and stand on their desk chairs, point their finger at her and yell "SHOT-DOWN like a DOG in the gutter!" The teacher thought it was funny and joined in with the chanting of the degradation on many occassions. Although they lived thousands of miles apart, it sounds like my teacher and your teacher could have been the same person, based on the horror of what was allowed to go on in the classroom. The things people suffer in school- it's amazing we survived!
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