I remember feeling like an outsider in my own kitchen...
I think I am 6 or 7. There is company over at our house, and we are all in the kitchen around the table, chairs pushed back for leg room. My little sister runs into the room and climbs on my mother's lap, pushing herself in for a serious snuggle.
Mom says proudly, "This is my cuddly girl!"
I'm sitting at the table watching this. I think to myself, "I like cuddles. I'm a cuddly girl. What about me?" I think that my little sister is obnoxious, stealing cuddles before they are offered. I would never do that. It seems rude to me. I think hugs and snuggles should be a gift given to me, not a right demanded by me. I try and remember the last time I ever jumped into Mom's lap like that....I can't think of one instance.
The company all respond with loving comments about how sweet she is. I sit and watch, an outsider, a middle child.
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I fried my brain in the 80's with drugs and alcohol, and am now attempting to bring memories to the surface and record them for posterity.
About Me
- Paula
- Three Hills, Alberta, Canada
- I am an artist. I am an actor. I am a musician. I am a dancer. I am a lover. I am a writer. I am not very good at any of these things yet, but I continue to do them. Why let mediocrity stop me? The things I'm good at, like rage and laziness, I'd rather stop practicing anyway.
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7 comments:
'I think hugs and snuggles should be a gift given to me, not a right demanded by me.'
Interesting... do you still feel this way now? As a mother??
I see a paralell in my relationship with Jesus...do I miss out on stuff by not climbing on??
Funny, I'm just OK with cuddles. I feel as though I'm being maulled. I don't even know where I get that ism-phobia from. Probably dad...
This just in: apparently I'm good at it!!
Whoo-hoo!!
My Dad was not a cuddly kind of guy when I got past age 10. Even though we knew he loved us kids, was proud of us and all that, I would have given anything to have a cuddle with him when I was older than oh say, 12. We did have incredible talks though, I could (and usually did) tell him anything at all. Stuff that I cringe over now with the memory, but he never made me feel stupid.
I see AJ horse around with her Dad and I envy that she has such a close relationship that way with him. And you know, now that I think of it, she even has it with MY Dad. I guess he just got used to all his grandchildren jumping all over him, demanding the cuddles and hugs. Maybe he mellowed out in middle age!
I was a cuddly kid, I mean, I cuddled EVERYONE; the GI's that didn't have family nearby, my older sisters friends(guy or girl)...I climbed onto whoevers lap was available. Than I grew older and thought that maybe cuddles were something that I shouldn't demand of others so easily, as I stopped being the centre of attention. Now I'm slowly coming to the place of being cuddly again. Very slowly sometimes.
i hate when i get hurt by other people's compliments.
--RC of strangeculture.blogspot.com
Please write a book someday.
I remember being a very shy 6 year-old when my parents invited a family newly arrived from Germany to dinner. There was a 14 year-old son, and I was so scared by this fellow who spoke no English that I hid under my momo's sewing machine and would not come out, even though I was hungry and could smell the food from the kitchen and hear the laughter. Who were these strangers keeping me from my own dinner???? Turns out I was the loser, hungry and left out. I think the scary boy redeemed himself by bringing me a piece of cake, and just setting it by the sewing machine without trying to get me out....
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