Friday, December 30, 2005

I remember being afraid of the toilet in the middle of the night.

When I was a little kid, we lived in an old farmhouse out in the country. My bedroom was upstairs, and the ceiling sloped on both a larger house, it would have been the attic, I guess. My bed was tucked into the narrow place where the ceiling met with the wall. I had to watch how I sat up in the middle of the night, or I'd bonk my head!

The trip to the bathroom in the dark of night is where my fear comes in. Unlike many kids, I wasn't aware of any monsters under my bed or in my closet. My fear was directed towards the toilet. I knew with certainty that if I wasn't back in bed before the toilet stopped flushing, that I would be dragged back and sucked into the vortex. Being close to my bed didn't count...I was sure I could be dragged back down the stairs, through the piano room, through the kitchen and into the bathroom and sucked down the toilet unless I was in my bed with my head under the covers.

So, here's how it would go. I'd relieve myself. I'd put my hand on the lever and assume the "On your marks" position. Then flush, run like my life depended on it, back through the obstacle course of the first floor, up the stairs, and dive into my bed, heart racing.

I never told anyone about this fear. It was mine, and I didn't want to share it. As an adult, I watch this whole memory with amusement, but also with wonder. Almost every night I faced a near-death experience and won! I had set up for myself an almost impossible obstacle, and then would conquer it every time I had to relieve myself. Talk about esteem-building! Is that what our childhood fears are we can practice survival in the face of our fears?

Thanks to Papa Herman for sparking this memory for me.


papa herman said...

I like your thot regarding the positive that can be gleaned from childhood fear.

toomanywhatifs said...

My fear was also toilet related...when I was young, my parents were watching a movie on TV. I was also watching it, although I can't imagine they knew I was watching...I was probably dozing in and out of sleep on the couch. The movie was totally out of character for my family...some murder suspense thing where a person ended up being buried (alive?) and left in the field. After a long terrifying moment of suspenseful music, etc. this persons hand clawed it's way up through the dirt. I was so terrified. Ever after that I was sure that that dirt covered hand would come up through the toilet and do me harm. How the fear went from being a hand in the dirt, to a hand in the toilet I will never know. The human mind is such a mysterious thing.

I've never told anyone that was too strange and bizzarre...

pesematology said...

I was scared of my toilet too!

Vic Nelson said...

Just wanted to stop by here and tell you how thankful I am for you. You have a very very wonderful spirit. You're quite encouraging and refreshing to me. I'm thankful to have you and your hubby as sibs/elders in Christ and I hope I could come to you guys for help and prayer if needed (when isn't it?).

I think the purpose for your blog (posting of lost memories) is one of the coolest I've seen so far. I'm thankful for it as well. : -)